'Buenas tardes. Como estas?' 'Ey up, cock - I'm champion thanks!'

The ball isn't so much rolling as careering downhill at lightspeed. Saying the last ten days have been a bit stressful is like saying Jordan is slightly over-styled. And things are starting to seem so REAL. The deed is done; I have handed my notice in at work. My last day 'with the business' is Friday April 8th, which gives me about three weeks off before I'm really 'off'. I felt sick when I did it, not because I was having anything that even came close to second thoughts but because every little action like that just cements the whole thing. The news - and it must've been a bit of a shocker to people - was met with a mixture of genuine interest/good wishes and feigned interest/good wishes. Any doubts I may have had (and if I said I hadn't had any I would be a big fat liar) vanished within an hour or so of actually clicking on 'send'. Ol' Bob has also handed his notice in (his parole date is April 22nd) and since then we have spent countless hours round at mine on the internet trying to agree our itinerary and find cheap places to stay. Oh, and looking wistfully at five star hotels in Rarotonga. Planning major hub-cities for a round-the-world trip may sound easy but trust me, wars have been fought and won with less tears and tantrums (I'm ashamed to say, all mine). It's even more difficult because we will be together sometimes and separate sometimes. I sit here surrounded by the evidence of last night's strategy meeting; boundless scraps of paper covered with (completely illegible) scrawlings, a stack of empty Stella Artois bottles (me), an empty wine bottle (Bob, with a little help from me) and screwed-up Creme Egg and KitKat Kubes wrappers (both, dulling the stress with a chocolate fix). It's been worth it - we now have a plan! I am off to Manchester in the morning to chat to the nice travel agent lady at Trailfinders and double-check that each stage of the trip is do-able (there are so many bleedin' restrictions on our five-continent air ticket you would think we were trying to infiltrate MI5, not organise bloody flights...). I would love nothing more than to blab all about it now but Bob (being ever-cautious) has forbidden me to mention it until it's booked. Trust him to piss on me chips...

The other noteworthy thing is that I have started Spanish classes! OK, it's not really a proper language course - it's actually called 'Holiday Spanish' and runs for ten weeks at my local college. I'm hardly going to be fluent when I'm done but it's a funky little intro that covers conversation essentials. After just one two hour class I can order ice-creams and introduce friends of multiple nationalities. Which will come in SO handy when we are lost in Peru or have a medical emergency in Venezuela. Other than the obvious benefits of having a bit of the lingo, the class itself is actually pure comedy and worth attending for entertainment value alone. Apart from one guy who is moving to Spain next year, the group is made up exclusively of middle-aged couples who spend a few weeks every summer on the Costa Brava and posses an inexplicable desire to 'interact with the locals' and 'feel part of the culture' (their words, not mine). My favourite is Mavis, who turned up last week with her best bingo drag on, full 'Labour Social Club' Miss Mary of Sweden make up and hair that was so back-combed she had to stoop to get through the door. Mavis was with her husband Dave (who said two words all night, neither of which were Spanish) and they are thinking of buying a timeshare in Alicante. When Mavis found out during the obligatory 'ice-breaker' that I wasn't there because I am going on a lads holiday to Benidorm, she was seriously impressed. And when I told her that I wasn't actually going to Spain, I was going to South America, she said (after taking a moment to compute)... 'why are you learning Spanish then?' You couldn't make it up. Needless to say me and ol' Mave got on famously and even sat togther at coffee break.

Anyways, it's Friday night and I have things to do. Mortgage transfers, visa applications and finding cheap travel insurance being some of the more exciting ones. Joy.

Hasta luego, mes amigos!

Juan x