Weds 20th July, Sandusky Ohio

Downtown Sandusky, the very epitome of mid-west America. This place is such a cliche, I love it! Wooden porched houses, each flying the American flag. A place where it's perfectly normal to afflict your children with names such as Britney and Cody. Waitresses named Tammi (note the 'i' instead of the 'y') with huge back-combed hair and bad home dye-jobs wearily serving endless cups of cofee and calling you 'hon'. Hordes of kids wandering around with 'God is the Man!' t-shirts. And a misguided (and, frankly, scary) amount of patriotism. I was chatting to a guy yesterday who asked me if any of my family were involved in the London bombings (by 'involved' I am presuming he meant 'affected' rather than implying my Mum and Auntie Stella strapping expolosives to themselves and riding the Northern Line...). Because obviously I am British and therefore from London... Anyway, he proceded to tell me that he 'don't know what them darn terrorists are thinkin' cos we're just gonna rain it back down on 'em'. Quite. All this while I am waiting in a line behind a guy whose form of political expression is wearing a t-shirt with 'OSAMA BIN LADEN SUCKS! HIS FOLLOWERS SWALLOW!' T-shirt. Honestly, these people would probably spread some potted meat on a cracker and think it was an Hor D' Oeurve...

Anyway... Boat trip in the Bahamas was a bit of a 'mare - I discovered not 5 minutes into the sail that I do not have sea legs and spent the majority of my time feeling nauseas in my cabin. Jesus, it was rough. My only previous water-bound experience was on a 2,000 ton cruise liner and I foolishly thought a sea voyage on a 100-foot sail boat would be similar. You know, gentle rocking, lunchtime bingo and endless martinis. Oh no. Aside from the occassional glimpse of gin-clear waters through the window reminding me I was, in fact, in the Bahamas I felt like an extra in 'The Perfect Storm'. I did, however, have a fab week with Denise and I also learned some new things:

1) How to make beds with military precision.
2) The art of folding towells into pretty flower shapes.
3) Lying on the bed on your back, with arms and legs splayed out like a retarded starfish, is by
far the best way to avoid being flung across your cabin in the middle of the night.

In other news, I have had the most amazing three days at Cedar Point, the theme park I have been gagging to visit for years. It was just incredible. Imagine taking apart all the rides at Alton Towers and putting all the pieces back together to make one enormous mega-ride. And you wouldn't even be close to Top Thrill Dragster, which launches you at 120 MPH into a 420 foot 90 degree climb before dropping you, vertically, down the other side. Awesome! I also met some rather smashing chaps (hi John and Pat!) who adopted me on my first day. These guys are even bigger coaster freaks than me - we arrived at 8.30am on day 2 and didn't leave the park until 11.30pm, only stopping to (begrudgingly) eat once. That's 15 hours of rides! Those guys are seriously disturbed. Finally, I meet somebody on my wavelength...

So, I now have to drive back to Cleveland (being behind the wheel of a car again has been great. For me anyway. Probably not for the poor Yanks who have to endure my driving). Then an overnight Greyhound bus. Next stop - New York, New York! Start spreadin' the news, baby...

Bye for now

Juan xxx