Meet Denise!

Note: bandage on leg. Result of unfortunate vodka /Harley Davidson interface. Hardly inspires confidence in upcoming travels...

AKA - 'Neice' and 'Dory' (latter on account of personality traits similar to nice-but-dim blue fish in 'Finding Nemo'...

Denise will be joining this crazy roadshow in late October.

What can I say about Niece that hasn’t already been said in open court? A wonderful friend, an amazingly tough cookie (although I’ve seen it after several litres of Kumala Chenin Blanc – there IS a soft centre under that impenetrable exterior…) and in all honesty the inspiration for this trip. She also used to have a swanky red convertible car, which always boosts a friend up the ranks, and we spent many a happy hour with the roof down, cruising the ‘hoods of Preston and listening to Kylie on loop. Odd looks from the local ‘yoofs’, Bridget-Jones hair from the wind and weather so cold we had nipples like plumbers thumbs. Ah, memories… Like me, Denise had a well-paid but ultimately unfulfilling job (I believe the term is ‘Senior Industry Fodder’). So what did the girl do? She buggered off on a trip round the World that ended up with her doing all sorts of fancy qualifications in SCUBA diving. As you do. Now works on a little boat in the Caribbean taking fat, rich Americans on dives, ensuring they have a fabulous holiday and then fleecing them for free drinks when they get back to land on a Friday night. Unrivalled passion for Stock, Aitkin and Waterman (well, unrivalled except by me) and after all these years STILL doesn’t know all of Jason’s bits in ‘Especially For You’ (despite extensive tuition). What a woman!

On the flip side, has an unnerving penchant for Rick Astley (usually at 4AM and accompanied by an impromptu ‘exotic dance’ on the back of the sofa) and an even more unnerving habit of sleepwalking. Or ‘sleep lunacy’, as I like to call it. This often results in her jumping round the room like something from ‘Poltergeist’ or getting in to bed with you and waking you up by screaming in your face. Nice. Rather worryingly, Niece is the ‘expert’ on this trip, as she’s 'done it before'. George W. Bush has 'done it before'; does that make it OK? To end on a positive note – she survived. Surely that counts for something?