Top of the world, Ma!

Sweet baby jesus and the orphans. I don't think I have ever been in as much pain in my entire life. Not when I broke my collar bone. Not when my appendix burst. Not even when I got stuck in a cab for two hours with a driver who insisted on playing Celine Dion's Greatest Hits... Mount Kinanbalu is EVIL in rock form. My legs have snapped, my knees have popped out and I am brain-damaged from lack of oxygen; what an INCREDIBLE experience, and an amazing climax to The Best Year of My Life (so far).

We first saw Mt Kinanbalu as we took a 35 minute flight from Kota Kinabalu to Sandakan. It was such a short flight that we only got to 20,000 feet before we descended. The whole of Borneo was covered with a smooth sheet of cloud and the ONLY thing visible in this sea of white was the mountain, erupting suddenly like a huge grey crown. As we passed on the plane two thoughts struck me - 1) that this thing looked unreal, like one of those badly-painted backdrops in a disaster movie. It was that big. And 2) we would be standing on top of it in a few days. There are two routes to the summit. The not-very-originally-named 'Summit Trail' and the I-have-no-idea-why-it's-called-this 'Messilau Trail'. The vast majority of people opt for the Summit Trail, because the Messilau Trail is 2.5km longer. Doesn't sound a lot, but at this altitude and gradient 2.5km is the difference between badly laboured breathing and a collapsed lung. Guess which trail we opted for? So, on the whole first day of the ascent we only saw four other people on the Messilau. It was gruelling but beautiful, climbing through cloud forrest and past huge pitcher plants and giant bonsai trees. At 6km, our trail joined the regular trail for the final 2km haul to the rest house. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw - 2km has NEVER been such an ordeal. We finally reached the 11,000 feet point and collapsed into bed. We had to be up at 2am for the summit climb, and we were SO exhausted. Sleep was to be a sweet releif, but thanks to a rowdy group of Chinese kids in the corridor and a man in our dorm who snored so loudly that5 I feared there might be an avalance, I didn't sleep for even one minute. Next thing, it's 2am and we're stumbling around getting dressed for the climb. Now, let me tell you a little bit about my experience of 2am. At this ungodly hour I have only EVER been a) fast asleep b) watching telly with my cat on my lap or c) stumbling home from the club clutching a kebab or a Georgian Chippy pie. Yet somehow here I was at 11,000 feet preparing to climb another 3,000 feet to the summit of the highest mountain in SE Asia. There are moments in everyone's life where you stop and think 'what in God's name am I doing?' and this was definitely one of those moments.

The summit climb was, in a word, tortuous. Relentlessly vertical, pitch black, freezing cold and over endless expanses of cold, wet sheet rock. Without doubt the most challenging hours of my life. I was so close to quitting. I sang two entire albums in my head from start to finish - "I'm Breathless' by Madonna (no pun intended!) and 'Jagged Little Pill' by Alanis. I had to keep myself sane. We reached the summit at 6am and watched the light break. No summit views - the clouds saw to that - but the feeling of accomplishement was incomparable. We may not have had the views from the summit, but as we descended again in daylight the views over Borneo were breathtaking. Or maybe that was the lack of oxygen... One thing that DID strike me as we decended in daylight was the sheer scale of the mountain. Seeing in the cold light of day what we had clambered over in the pitch black hours before was really quite scary. Sitting here typing this now, it all seems like a half-remembered dream whose finer details have been exaggerated. I will never forget those two days. And neither, I suspect, will Denise...

So, I am into the final stretch. Three days in Kota Kinabalu to drink and dance with Niece before I head back to England. I'll be back on British terra firma on Monday 5th Deember and I am so excited. This adventure is ending and my new one is about to begin. Can't quite bring myself to sign off; I have a good few hours to kill at Singapore airport on Sunday so I'll save my swan-song post for then.

Ciao bellas

John xx

ps) Thanks to my amazing friends for your support. Of all the emails and comments, only two were negative. I love and miss you all so much. And Wendy-Woo you are SO right - Mary White was spot on! Please can we go and see her again before I leave? xx

And now, the end is near...

OK, quick one. I said previosly that I have made some huge decisions recently. I know I've revealed all in a mass email but just for the record - I am returning to the UK. Older, wiser... and even more scared of insects than when I left...! OK, that's not strictly true. So - I arrive on Monday 5th December. That's it. Done and dusted. Tony Bennet may well have left his heart in San Franciso... but I have left MINE in Vancouver. Meeting Michael, falling stupidly in love in just six weeks... it's all too much. I have found what I want and I owe it to myself to go after it with everything I've got. I will be in the UK for long enough to sort myself out financially, and I'll be returning to Vancouver to explore my options with Michael by Feb 1st (or possibly even before). I've been criticised for being flaky and spontaneous by people who I thought were better friends. You know what? I don't care. I have never, EVER been so sure of anything in my entire life. 'What if it goes wrong?' someone said in an email recently. It won't, of that I am sure. But if it does, then it does. There are no guarantees in this life and if you never try, then you'll never know. 'Isn't it a bit risky, ending your trip?' someone else said. Bricks n mortar, darlin'. The only way I could ever afford to live in that (admittedly gorgeous) house again is by securing a well-paid job in the North of England. Sorry, not for me. A move was always on the cards. It was supposed to be London. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect something so drastic. But I am so excited I can barely think straight. My only single regret in all of this is that none of my friends or family will get to meet Michael before I leave. Take it from me, he is a beautiful person and everything I have ever wanted, and a lot more besides. We'll be in England soon enough, and I'll accept your approval then :-)

So, the last week of Girls on Tour 2005. Borneo so far has been wonderful, more jungle trekking and some close encounters with Proboscis monkeys. They are AMAZING! They are the crazy-looking ones with huge, wobbly noses and big fat bellies. The bigger the male's nose, and the rounder his belly, the more appealing he is to lovers. What a friggin' shame the same logic doesn't apply to men - I'd be a GOD! I round of my amazing adventure by climbing Mount Kinabalu. This is the higest mountain in the whole of SE Asia and at 4,400 metres is half the height of Mount Everest. I can't think of a more fitting end to an incredible year. Apart from moving to Canada to be with the man of my dreams, that is...

So - on Monday 28th November at 6am (that's Sunday 27th at 11pm in the UK... and Sunday 27th at 2pm in Vancouver) me and Denise will be standing at the summit of this incredible mountain. Freezing our asses off, screaming in pain at the musle cramps and every second word being an expletive, naturally... More to follow.

Shoot for the moon - even if you miss, you'll still be amongst the stars

Welcome To The Jungle

Ages ago, I said in a post that I worried that Macchu Picchu and the Inca Trail would be the highlight of my trip, and it's a shame that that was the front-end of my travels. I needn't have bothered. The last two weeks in Sumatra, Indonesia has been the most pulse-pounding, exhilarating experience of my life. What an incredible, untamed part of the world. Our goal was Buckit Lawang, a tiny hamlet in the middle of the North Sumatran jungle that is home to an Orang-utan research and rehabilitation centre. We arrived after a total of 10 hours on boats and 13 hours on 'buses' (yes, the air-quotes are there for VERY good reason...). I pointed out to Denise (whose name, Denise Killackey, incidentally comes up on Word spell-check as 'Dense Cliche'!) in my travel-induced crankiness that I can see Orang-utans at Blackpool Zoo whenever I want and don't have to risk DVT for the priviledge. I also said that these f-ing primates better be ready with a full-on cabaret, complete with backing dancers and dry ice... Anyway, Buckit Lawang - stunningly beautiful. Wiped out in a flood in 2003, this tiny place right on the Bohorok River is just now blipping again on the visitor-radar. We stayed at an amazing place built into the jungle, two private balconies and - I kid you not - a back door that led out to our own private waterfall (which as it happen also fed the water for the cold shower and toilet). I spent many a happy hour recreating the 'Timotei' ads... From our balcony we regularly watched wild Orangs, Gibbons and Macaques swinging through the trees. At the research centre itself, Orangs that have been captured for the sickening pet-trade are rehabiltated into the wild, and come back for a feed of bananas and milk when they can't find food themselves in the jungle. In the time we were there, we had up-close and personal enocunters with so many of these amazing, lumbering creatures. At one point we walked through the jungle with Jackie and her eight month old baby, Darma, clinging to her. It was tear-inducing.

Went tubing down the river, which is one of the craziest things I've done. Flying through the jungle on a beat-up inner tube and surviving class three rapids that really should only be attempted in a raft... crazy, intense and an absolute scream. In all senses of the word. Wayne was hilarious. He never stopped screaming the whole time and at once point was dragged by the current into a herd of bathing Water Buffalo. I laughed until I couldn't breathe. Then the dozy mare went and broke his toe and as a result couldn't come on the two day jungle trek, so it was just me, Neice and Darma, our guide. An AWESOME two days. The trek got off to a shaky start - half an hour in we came across Mina, an Orang who has been so badly mistreated by humans in the past she is now quite aggressive. Darma told us she has bitten 50 visitors in the last two years. This struck us as quite funny... until Mina started to chase us. Seriously. Me and Denise, being chased through the jungle by a wild Orang-utan. It was hilarious and absolutely terrifying all at once. The rest of the trek was awesome. We were scaling 500 foot ridges with Darma quite literally cutting a sway for us through the rainforest. We camped under bamboo and tarpaulin and ate freshly cooked curry in the rain and drank brandy and smoked joints (sorry Mum! But you know what they say, when in Rome and all that... couldn't risk offending the locals by refusing the peace-pipe, could I?). Day two almost killed us, it was so strenuous. Then, just after taking a dip in a crystal clear stream, Denise got stung by a poisonous caterpillar and I got stung by a jungle wasp, within about ten seconds of each other...! You can only imagine the screaming...

We regrettably left Buckit Lawang and rode pillian on motorbikes to another hamlet called Tangkahan. If BL is remote, Tangkahan is on another planet. Middle of nowhere is NOT the phrase. Here we rode elephants through the jungle (I even rode on the neck of mine, steering him with my legs up and down steep jungle slopes) and then bathed with them in the river. Incredible. We visited natural hot springs and then thought it would be fun to catch the (unbelievably strong) current and float back down the river. This was a blast... until we were caught in a whirlpool. I went under and, being a strong swimmer, wasn't too worried. Until, that is, I made a break for the surface - and couldn't move. Panic swept through me as I struggled to reach the surface.. and couldn't. I was convinced I was going to drown, it was horrific. Somehow I managed to break free and emerged, shaking, coughing and spluttering. Wayne was in exactly the same situation behind me. It was the scariest moment of my life and even now when I think about it I shudder. No harm done, but still... It has crystalised some things for me and I have made some HUGE decisions over the past few days. No energy for that now, but I'll reveal all soon...

On to Kuala Lumpur in all its gleaming, teeming modernity. God, that place is PACKED with knicker-wetting shopping opportunities... A tearful farewell with Wayne marked the end of what has been an incredible month. Wayne/Monica/Beverly - I love you dearly and I'll never forget this experience; Gigi, gin, screaming, karaoke marathons, 'I'll KNOCK HER OUT!!!!!', feather boas, insects, Ruby, international glamour models, eating the bar tab (!), ping-pongs, singing 'Copacabana' on the bow of the boat at sunset, HRH Donna Summer, monkeys, elephants, shitty accomodation, Dolly Sisters, broken digits, 'Philip, do we own Thailand?', dancing to 'Hung Up', water buffalo... and most of all, laughing so hard I fear my stomach muscles may never recover. What a month, sister... Love you long time xx

So... three become two and now me and Denise are all set to conquer Borneo! There has been some talk today of hiring a car. Oh dear...

Notes From a Small Island

Ko Phi Phi is indescribably beautiful. Towering sheer limestone cliffs burst straight up from jewell-coloured waters whilst waves crash dramatically at their base. It's 1950's-Hollywood romantic. Little wonder that the movie 'The Beach' was filmed here. Most of Phi Phi Don is mountainous. The southern tip, which has seen an explosion of tourist activity since 'The Beach', is postcard-perfect. Two crescent-shaped lagoons carve either side of the island into a narrow strip of land, which has haphazardly developed into a miniature town. Despite this increased tourism, expansion has been low-key and the island has managed to retain a real island-community feel. Definitely a place to lose yourself for a week... or six.

The after effects of the Tsunami are everywhere. Phi Phi had the higest death-rate per sq. km of any of the regions affected by the disaster. The wave completely levelled the southern pensinsula, most of which is little above 1m above sea level. There are still whole sections of the interior yet to be cleared. Standing on these Bounty-advert beaches and snorkelling the coves, it's hard to conceive of what must have happened here.

I have a new addicition. Thai massge is, simply, incredible. A mixture of muscle manipulation, pressure point stimulation and yoga... it has to be experienced to be believed. It's usually performed by tiny, slight Thai women whose body-builder strength belies their fragile frames, and is administered with such intense commitment and care that most western masseurs would be embarrassed. Top honours so far must go to Meng, one half of the gorgeous brother-sister duo who run our guesthouse. Whilst Wayne taught Rainbow (the sister) some 'alternative English' (the hallways of 'The Island' guesthouse now ring with Thai-tinted cries of 'hiya darlin' and 'alright pet?') Meng - who has just qualified and is therefore eager to practice - delivered a 2 1/2 hour massage that left me feeling better than I have in years. Who knew I was that flexible?! He refused to take more than 200 baht - that's under 3 pounds. Unbeleivable. Combine all of this with the most gentle race of people I have ever come across and amazing, amazing food and it's easy to see why people fall in love with Thailand. This really could be the beginning of a lifelong love affair...